


This Love is Bad

by writingramblr



Category: The Martian (2015)
Genre: Angst, Double Drabble, F/M, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Introspection, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 21:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4936717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingramblr/pseuds/writingramblr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forget survivor's guilt, this was comparable to having been stabbed in the chest and told you had to go on, on and on as you felt every beat drive more blood from your heart.<br/>It was too much.<br/>Until her heart began to beat again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Love is Bad

**Author's Note:**

> idk wtf.
> 
> i just have a lot of feelings about this movie and i cried and therefore i ship.  
> i love love loved Beth/Chris and i could totally get on board with Mitch/Mindy even though they barely said two words to each other, much less shared a room.

Space, the final frontier.

At least that’s what a little television show used to say.

Perhaps they’re still right.

But we’ve definitely come a long way.

Now we’ve added a planet formerly thought only as a desolate wasteland to our maps and charts and called it our own, albeit an unfriendly place to stay for a long period of time.

In that regard, Mark Watney is somewhat of a pioneer and a hero in many, many ways.

That’s not the point.

The point is that she waited until it was far too late, and no longer possible to do anything about it before realizing that she’d loved him.

Maybe people would say it was just her guilt coloring her emotions.

Just the stress of the mission making her feel things she didn’t.

Far before leaving Mark behind, Melissa knew she cared for him.

*

Commander Melissa Lewis has always known the truth.

It didn’t take leaving earth behind, again, to bring about the gravity of the situation.

While boarding the Aries 3, there was more than the usual bond developed between her and Mark.

There had been agony at the thought of leaving him behind. There had been guilt and devastation when she thought he was dead.

Leaving him behind had brought weight to the thought that he was in her very soul, tormenting her with emotions she couldn't have.

A strange sort of righteous fury and joy warred inside her when the crew had been told he was alive.

She’d wanted to crash the Hermes, and also dance around in relief at the news.

So when it came time to choose what to do, go home, or go back, there was no question for her.

She merely had to allow the rest of the crew to decide for themselves.

As if they had a choice.

Seeing him alive didn’t hold a candle to hearing his voice for the first time in nearly 500 days. She knew it should have been the other way around, but she didn’t care.

*

Back on earth again, they all went their separate ways.

Mark of course was lauded and praised and thrown several job offers at once.

All cushy affairs with descriptors that sounded hollow.

Melissa wasn’t jealous of that.

She was just going to miss seeing him, except for every time she turned on the news, or flicked through the web.

So what if she seemed distracted and distant to Charles.

He’d get over it.

He’d stop asking her what the matter was.

She would adapt and adjust again.

Burning so long and so quiet had been second nature to her.

After all, being his commanding authority meant that nothing could come of it.

But for one shining moment, she’d been the first human Mark had seen since being left behind, and that love that had shown through his eyes would sustain her for decades to come.

*

_/Fin/_

**Author's Note:**

> song title from "this love" by taylor swift


End file.
